Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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