I smell stomach acid.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
