it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
