Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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