I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
