so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
