I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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