he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
