when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
