If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
