Can Purell be used as lube?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
