I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
