Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
