we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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