Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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