Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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