Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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