It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
