At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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