I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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