i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
They are going to name an STD after you.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
