I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
