Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
