It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
