She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
