I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
