i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
