Got a toothbrush?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
