Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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