I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
