Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
