i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
