cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
