i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
