North Korea, Best Korea!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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