when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
