I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
