i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
