herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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