she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You may now shotgun with the bride
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
