I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
