No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize