I could make wine with my vomit
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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