i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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