I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
