found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
