he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
