my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
