D3 body, D1 cock
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
