is your mom at the bar?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
