So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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