No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
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I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
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American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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