I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
