you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
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I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
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If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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