There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
