u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
