I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
