ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
