WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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