The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
