some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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