Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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