I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
